my wife adopted my daughter and the real mom terminated rights.15 years later she has been sneaking around behind our backs seeing my daughter causing turmoil and alot of pain for my family. is it legal for the non natural parent to cause this type o ...

Jurisdiction: 

Area of Law: 

Question: 

my wife adopted my daughter and the real mom terminated rights.15 years later she has been sneaking around behind our backs seeing my daughter causing turmoil and alot of pain for my family. is it legal for the non natural parent to cause this type of interference.

Selected Answer: 

DakotaLegal's picture

In many ways, whether her

In many ways, whether her actions are “legal” has to do with what you do about the actions. Put another way, you have rights as family to be “let alone,” but you have to act aggressively to draw a line. Then, when the birth mother crosses that well-marked line, you have to see what can be done about it. The more often she violates clearly communicated rules, the better your argument fro some legal protections.

The last part of your question actually raises some important issues, based on the wording you used: you wrote “the non-natural parent.” Whether or not you meant this (or if it was just a mistake in writing), it makes the point that many ideas or words that people use in the area of family law are simply not well understood today. This misuse of legal versus ordinary meaning has important results in many cases, for either side. First, you actually described a situation where the “natural” (not as you said the non-natural) mother was the one who is now causing problems. The reality is that even after termination, there are still legal claims available to a terminated parent’s rights. Probably exceptionally limited claims, but still claims. So there is the possibility that what you want may be expensive and frustrating. But there have even been cases where a no-contact order has been established against grandparents in new Hampshire…read the following case and see if those facts there are helpful in your case: http://caselaw.findlaw.com/nh-supreme-court/1573068.html .

But there’s also an urgency involved, here, especially if the child is under any pressure to reject you and her adoptive mother. If you have any reason to worry that the ex-mother presents any danger whatsoever, contact the police, keep a record of what you have said (and when), and you may also go to a local domestic shelter or at the family court, and they will (at a minimum) help you with requesting a restraining order.

You should also ask about a no-stalking order. http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?id=554&state_code=NH . Many times, the police will not do anything unless you have sought an order. Do be aware, however, that a domestic shelter may not be as supportive of a father’s rights or requests for help, or if the birth mother has already obtained their services: the court will tend to be more objective.

And as with the (possibly) incorrect technical misuse of the word "non-natural," is the possibility that the terminating parent (the natural mother) may claim not to have understood what she did in giving up her parental "rights." Surrendering a child in New Hampshire, because of neglect or abuse charges for example, is not the same thing as terminating parental rights. http://caselaw.findlaw.com/nh-supreme-court/1605049.html .

But if abuse is one thing, there may still be a valid “no contact” order for the birth mother. In other words, the way someone “terminated” their rights is also often misunderstood. She may have said to you, or had communicated to you, or by her actions indicated to you...that she had no interest in being a parent. When you say “she terminated” rights fifteen years ago, it suggests there was no court order. Is this correct? Without an actual court order, and for very important reasons, her rights have not in fact been legally terminated. In this case. However, since you also stated that there had been an adoption, there’s reason to say you did all the right things. Go back to where the custody was completed, and physically go through all the old court records. Very often, what you have is only going to be an incorrect court record or an abstract of what was decided. Look especially to see if there was an affidavit of termination and read it carefully. There have even been times when, in comparing an old court order, I’ve discovered comments in a transcript showing that part of a judge’s order were omitted. If you can’t actually get to the courthouse, ask about the costs of reproducing the records: but keep in mind, this means trusting someone else to be your eyes.

Finally, the age of the child is crucial, for two reasons. As you often hear, many kids later in life seek out their birth parents. The state rules for unsealing records vary, from state to state, but the point is that as children get older, they also get more rights to associate with adults freely. You can be proactive, as well, from any possible legal action by the natural mother by considering if family counseling is something that would help your family. This is especially important, if your daughter is emotionally vulnerable.

People often have varied reason for terminating parental rights...what the US Supreme Court has on occasion (probably with some exaggeration) called the “equivalent of the death penalty for parenting.” As much as reasonably POSSIBLE, you should check public records to see if there are legal problems with his woman. Is she stalking, or on a sexual predator list? Keep in mind, however, that in the event you do find enough evidence to bring a harassment or stalking complaint under state law, that you must go into court with clean hands, yourself.

All Comments

DakotaLegal's picture

In many ways, whether her

In many ways, whether her actions are “legal” has to do with what you do about the actions. Put another way, you have rights as family to be “let alone,” but you have to act aggressively to draw a line. Then, when the birth mother crosses that well-marked line, you have to see what can be done about it. The more often she violates clearly communicated rules, the better your argument fro some legal protections.

The last part of your question actually raises some important issues, based on the wording you used: you wrote “the non-natural parent.” Whether or not you meant this (or if it was just a mistake in writing), it makes the point that many ideas or words that people use in the area of family law are simply not well understood today. This misuse of legal versus ordinary meaning has important results in many cases, for either side. First, you actually described a situation where the “natural” (not as you said the non-natural) mother was the one who is now causing problems. The reality is that even after termination, there are still legal claims available to a terminated parent’s rights. Probably exceptionally limited claims, but still claims. So there is the possibility that what you want may be expensive and frustrating. But there have even been cases where a no-contact order has been established against grandparents in new Hampshire…read the following case and see if those facts there are helpful in your case: http://caselaw.findlaw.com/nh-supreme-court/1573068.html .

But there’s also an urgency involved, here, especially if the child is under any pressure to reject you and her adoptive mother. If you have any reason to worry that the ex-mother presents any danger whatsoever, contact the police, keep a record of what you have said (and when), and you may also go to a local domestic shelter or at the family court, and they will (at a minimum) help you with requesting a restraining order.

You should also ask about a no-stalking order. http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?id=554&state_code=NH . Many times, the police will not do anything unless you have sought an order. Do be aware, however, that a domestic shelter may not be as supportive of a father’s rights or requests for help, or if the birth mother has already obtained their services: the court will tend to be more objective.

And as with the (possibly) incorrect technical misuse of the word "non-natural," is the possibility that the terminating parent (the natural mother) may claim not to have understood what she did in giving up her parental "rights." Surrendering a child in New Hampshire, because of neglect or abuse charges for example, is not the same thing as terminating parental rights. http://caselaw.findlaw.com/nh-supreme-court/1605049.html .

But if abuse is one thing, there may still be a valid “no contact” order for the birth mother. In other words, the way someone “terminated” their rights is also often misunderstood. She may have said to you, or had communicated to you, or by her actions indicated to you...that she had no interest in being a parent. When you say “she terminated” rights fifteen years ago, it suggests there was no court order. Is this correct? Without an actual court order, and for very important reasons, her rights have not in fact been legally terminated. In this case. However, since you also stated that there had been an adoption, there’s reason to say you did all the right things. Go back to where the custody was completed, and physically go through all the old court records. Very often, what you have is only going to be an incorrect court record or an abstract of what was decided. Look especially to see if there was an affidavit of termination and read it carefully. There have even been times when, in comparing an old court order, I’ve discovered comments in a transcript showing that part of a judge’s order were omitted. If you can’t actually get to the courthouse, ask about the costs of reproducing the records: but keep in mind, this means trusting someone else to be your eyes.

Finally, the age of the child is crucial, for two reasons. As you often hear, many kids later in life seek out their birth parents. The state rules for unsealing records vary, from state to state, but the point is that as children get older, they also get more rights to associate with adults freely. You can be proactive, as well, from any possible legal action by the natural mother by considering if family counseling is something that would help your family. This is especially important, if your daughter is emotionally vulnerable.

People often have varied reason for terminating parental rights...what the US Supreme Court has on occasion (probably with some exaggeration) called the “equivalent of the death penalty for parenting.” As much as reasonably POSSIBLE, you should check public records to see if there are legal problems with his woman. Is she stalking, or on a sexual predator list? Keep in mind, however, that in the event you do find enough evidence to bring a harassment or stalking complaint under state law, that you must go into court with clean hands, yourself.