First of all, it’s always suspicious when someone tells you “a lawyer told me.” The only way to believe that is to have the lawyer tell you. What her saying this to you is much more important than whether it’s true or not: what she is saying is that she seems very willing to fight to keep the money. That’s how you need to approach the problem. Decide how wiling you are to fight for the money. To answer that question, you are gong to have to examine in detail several ways she may claim to be “owed” some amount of money by you.

A real important fact for you is that in general, yes, your tax return is just that…generally your tax return. An unknown, however, is whether you included your ex as a dependent in your filing? http://www.irs.gov/ita/article/0,,id=219895,00.html This might raise some interesting issues about the amount of your return, based on her status on your return. Let’s go ahead from here, assuming she had no part in your income or in being listed on your return.

Since you used some system of getting your tax return that caused you to lose control over the return, though, this also raises some questions about what you intended to do with the money. This is where issues of perhaps holding some of the tax return in trust might be argued by your ex.

Since the IRS has a duty to you as a taxpayer, I’d even contact my Congressman. You have other legal rights, such as filing a civil suit. You may be eligible for free legal aid in new Hampshire. http://www.nhlegalaid.org/LARC .

So the details of your financial arrangements are way beyond anything I can possibly know here. You need to get out a sheet of appear, and divide it into sections of time. Were you together years or months? Your living arrangements are going to be important to calculating what common debts you may have had, and how a court can look at what kind of relationship-based obligations you had. To get the most (or all) of your tax return, prove that you had separate finances and she had never before claimed any right to your income tax return. Be ready to demonstrate that you never “co-mingled” money, such as in a joint account.

You didn’t mention if you have children together (I’m assuming not) or a house or rental, and how expenses were paid. If you’re organized and kept receipts or managed the books and records, that will help decide about the taxes. Also, it’s very common for someone in your situation to get retaliation. The most common angry and illegal retaliation is to damage your identity through misuse of a Social Security number. Be on guard. http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10064.html/

You should act quickly, though. The longer you wait, the more the money is likely to disappear, or memories become faded. Contact your local IRS assistance center today. http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html The bottom line is the possibility that you absolutely know this was your money. Maybe you’ve cashed your tax return exactly the same way, or had some agreement between yourselves. If you have a moral certainty you’ve been cheated, contact your local police. Before contacting the police, be able to tell them you are also pursuing an IRS investigation. You’ll do that by filing this form… http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f3911.pdf. You will want to have all the evidence we’ve talked about, but avoid making this sound as if it were a purely personal or domestic dispute. Treat this IRS aspect of your break-up as a financial or business dealing where you were cheated. It’s even possible that your Ex received the tax refund after the break-up. This timing can be yet another important factor as you prove the bottom line: she had no reasonable claim, right, or expectation for any part of your tax return.