Jurisdiction:
Area of Law:
Question:
Selected Answer:
Submitted by DakotaLegal on
All Comments
Submitted by DakotaLegal on
There are special steps and rules to follow, when this kind of situation begins. First, though your husband has said he “wants a divorce,” it’s not clear if he’ll actually follow through on it. Statistics indicate these hasty decisions often end very badly, with regret by the deserting spouse. In fact, you also have reason to doubt much of what’s been said: especially from third parties such as the once “Ex” girlfriend. To begin with, I’d suggest you look at Alabama’s general rules for divorce, which also limits his ability to remarry, to at least sixty days after a granting of divorce: http://law.justia.com/codes/alabama/ 2006/ 22063/ 128821.html.
I also imagine you have very mixed feelings about your role in the family role. If your relationship with the daughter has been happy and healthy, then you may want to consider an alternative custody arrangement. You indicate you have been the primary caregiver for the daughter. Are you considering asking for the daughter to continue to stay with you? After all, it seems likely your residence is where she thinks of home: the daughter may also be reluctant to move into a new home, perhaps (depending on their child’s age and residence) with an unknown “half” sibling. All in all, it seems to be a poor decision on his part and hard to explain legally. Let’s talk about the way you can begin to make choices that benefit you and the feelings you have about your husband and his daughter.
I looked for (but didn’t find) a case in Alabama where the court talks about a non-biological parent in your position seeking custody. I did find an interesting case that talks about the existing laws, and how they are changing, in terms of defining “parenting.” http://caselaw.findlaw.com/ny-surrogates-court/1043657.html. The daughter’s opinion (especially if she’s 12 or over) is important, but I also caution you never to pressure her or involve her in “taking sides.”
Fortunately, you can get low cost legal help as you start the process, and I urge you to act immediately to get an appointment with an affordable lawyer. You can begin here http://www.legal servicesalabama.org/ and also consider getting a free consultation by using the Alabama lawyer referral system, here: http://www.alabar.org/lrs/.
Should You File For Divorce?
Often, these kinds of affairs are not spur of the moment decisions, but have been evolving. This may suggest a sexual relationship between your husband and his old girlfriend, giving you grounds for suing for adultery. If you wait for them to co-habitate, then the presumption of his adultery is even stronger. This will have important implications in whether (and when) you decide to file for divorce and choose either no fault or fault grounds.
Receiving alimony may also be a consideration in your decision to divorce. An Alabama court can consider his possible adultery in setting alimony and dividing some property. Though you said you’ve never worked, if you should have significant cash assets, he cannot receive alimony from you.
Compare Separation and Divorce
You may also want to keep more options, including forgiving your husband (if his dalliance fails) by filing for legal separation. The benefits of legal separation may also include the ability to begin the process of living separately, so as to make better financial decisions. Here are the rules on separation, based on his actions to “live separately”: http://law.justia.com/codes/ alabama/2006/22063/30-2-40.html.
A legal separation may also have the effect of getting your husband to begin to deal with something legally concrete. If, as you suggest, he intends to marry his old girlfriend, he still faces these legal hurdles: and right now is also probably when you have the maximum amount of cooperation from him…including an arrangement for custody of the daughter. Waiting until the end of the school year before she moves would also be an idea worth exploring, if you ultimately want to ask for custody.
There are special steps and rules to follow, when this kind of situation begins. First, though your husband has said he “wants a divorce,” it’s not clear if he’ll actually follow through on it. Statistics indicate these hasty decisions often end very badly, with regret by the deserting spouse. In fact, you also have reason to doubt much of what’s been said: especially from third parties such as the once “Ex” girlfriend. To begin with, I’d suggest you look at Alabama’s general rules for divorce, which also limits his ability to remarry, to at least sixty days after a granting of divorce: http://law.justia.com/codes/alabama/ 2006/ 22063/ 128821.html.
I also imagine you have very mixed feelings about your role in the family role. If your relationship with the daughter has been happy and healthy, then you may want to consider an alternative custody arrangement. You indicate you have been the primary caregiver for the daughter. Are you considering asking for the daughter to continue to stay with you? After all, it seems likely your residence is where she thinks of home: the daughter may also be reluctant to move into a new home, perhaps (depending on their child’s age and residence) with an unknown “half” sibling. All in all, it seems to be a poor decision on his part and hard to explain legally. Let’s talk about the way you can begin to make choices that benefit you and the feelings you have about your husband and his daughter.
I looked for (but didn’t find) a case in Alabama where the court talks about a non-biological parent in your position seeking custody. I did find an interesting case that talks about the existing laws, and how they are changing, in terms of defining “parenting.” http://caselaw.findlaw.com/ny-surrogates-court/1043657.html. The daughter’s opinion (especially if she’s 12 or over) is important, but I also caution you never to pressure her or involve her in “taking sides.”
Fortunately, you can get low cost legal help as you start the process, and I urge you to act immediately to get an appointment with an affordable lawyer. You can begin here http://www.legal servicesalabama.org/ and also consider getting a free consultation by using the Alabama lawyer referral system, here: http://www.alabar.org/lrs/.
Should You File For Divorce?
Often, these kinds of affairs are not spur of the moment decisions, but have been evolving. This may suggest a sexual relationship between your husband and his old girlfriend, giving you grounds for suing for adultery. If you wait for them to co-habitate, then the presumption of his adultery is even stronger. This will have important implications in whether (and when) you decide to file for divorce and choose either no fault or fault grounds.
Receiving alimony may also be a consideration in your decision to divorce. An Alabama court can consider his possible adultery in setting alimony and dividing some property. Though you said you’ve never worked, if you should have significant cash assets, he cannot receive alimony from you.
Compare Separation and Divorce
You may also want to keep more options, including forgiving your husband (if his dalliance fails) by filing for legal separation. The benefits of legal separation may also include the ability to begin the process of living separately, so as to make better financial decisions. Here are the rules on separation, based on his actions to “live separately”: http://law.justia.com/codes/ alabama/2006/22063/30-2-40.html.
A legal separation may also have the effect of getting your husband to begin to deal with something legally concrete. If, as you suggest, he intends to marry his old girlfriend, he still faces these legal hurdles: and right now is also probably when you have the maximum amount of cooperation from him…including an arrangement for custody of the daughter. Waiting until the end of the school year before she moves would also be an idea worth exploring, if you ultimately want to ask for custody.