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Submitted by DakotaLegal on
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Submitted by DakotaLegal on
I won’t even assume that you have been to court or contested custody, for a formal order, yet. Instead of my making any assumptions, we’ll just cover the basics, as though you are just now considering getting custody. In many ways, it is going to be a fresh start in terms of custody, since your daughter will probably eventually have something to say about where she should go. Here’s how a judge commonly “checklists” where custody is best… http://apps.americanbar.org/legalservices/probono/childcustody/judges_guide.pdf.
You should check out two important things: first, courts have what’s called continuing jurisdiction over custody decisions; even a ruling from years ago allows you to go back to the same court for a change or modification in custody. Second, the wishes of a mature 14 year old can carry quite a bit of weight when a court listens to evidence. One difficulty in answering your question is because you already have an important say, time wise, in raising your daughter. It appears that there is some other dynamic at play here. Maybe your daughter prefers your home fulltime, and its rules, or your ex-wife has a lifestyle that your daughter does not like. For now, the assumption is that the primary issue is that the mother is showing signs of not wanting the daughter in her home, in reference to being “sent away” to some distant school.
Now, in the event that the safety of your daughter is involved, obviously everything we talk about here (in terms of steps and strategies) probably doesn’t really apply. In this case, and to safeguard your own rights to advocate for your daughter, any strategy is probably secondary to getting help for your daughter. If you need affordable, sliding scale help, try these sources in Mississippi:
If your daughter has a disability, you can contact the Mississippi Protection and Advocacy group: http://www.disabilityrightsms.com/.
- Keep It Cool.
It’s often very hard to maintain the current arrangement, without “poisoning” the well with a new plan. Too many custody changes, though, have been ruined by involving the other parent too soon. By evaluating what’s truly best for your daughter, using your own private resources (experts or witnesses), resisting an impulse to share this steps with your daughter or her mom, usually means you make a better planned decision. Many people even go to a counseling service to work out what a change in custody means in terms of a family dynamic. Keep in mind, you will have to show that it is not your intent to diminish or destroy the mother/daughter relationship. You can see about eligibility for free legal planning advice here…
http://www.mslegalservices.org/MS/StateAboutUs.cfm/County/%20/City/%20/demoMode/%3D%201/Language/1/State/MS/TextOnly/N/ZipCode/%20/LoggedIn/0.
- Consider What To Give Up, To Get Custody.
Every state describes “custody” a little differently. Here, it appears that you share physical custody, but that legal custody is with your ex-wife. This is because Mississippi, like some other states, divides custody into just two shapes…physical or legal. Many couples seem to have “joint” (or what you called shared) custody, but in reality one gets the important rights that go with having legal custody.
Types of custody in Mississippi: http://www.mscode.com/free/statutes/93/005/0024.htm.
Legal custody can be an advantage when it comes to where to live (such as moving out of state), picking the school, religious upbringing, or claiming the child on tax returns. At this stage, rather than opening “negotiations” with your ex-wife, you might consider what advantages she can keep, if you were to get “legal” custody. Some parents are more concerned about losing tax or welfare benefits, sadly enough, than actually having custody.
- Don’t Involve The Child In Conflict Or Taking Sides.
If things get out of hand, or a crisis develops, the court is just as likely to try and keep things the same and fix whatever “went wrong.” This owes in part to a belief that a long-time placement is presumed to be working…unless the health or safety of the child is being threatened.
4. Always Emphasize Your Daughter’s Best Interests
Here's the big question, and you have to answer clearly..."How will the change in custody benefit your daughter?"
One really bothersome thing here is the possibility that, after six years of sharing custody, you state that your ex-wife has for years now tried to ‘send (your daughter) away’ to a new school. It’s not uncommon for one parent to act out of pique and try to “get at” or manipulate the other parent in exactly this way. Be sure to document the years of this effort, and the effect it ahs had on your daughter. Again, emphasize that you have tried to shield your daughter from this, and not urged her to take sides. The best interests of your daughter have included extensive contact with you for six years. This idea of “best interests of the child” is, I’m sure you know, the test for where your daughter belongs for the next four years.
I won’t even assume that you have been to court or contested custody, for a formal order, yet. Instead of my making any assumptions, we’ll just cover the basics, as though you are just now considering getting custody. In many ways, it is going to be a fresh start in terms of custody, since your daughter will probably eventually have something to say about where she should go. Here’s how a judge commonly “checklists” where custody is best… http://apps.americanbar.org/legalservices/probono/childcustody/judges_guide.pdf.
You should check out two important things: first, courts have what’s called continuing jurisdiction over custody decisions; even a ruling from years ago allows you to go back to the same court for a change or modification in custody. Second, the wishes of a mature 14 year old can carry quite a bit of weight when a court listens to evidence. One difficulty in answering your question is because you already have an important say, time wise, in raising your daughter. It appears that there is some other dynamic at play here. Maybe your daughter prefers your home fulltime, and its rules, or your ex-wife has a lifestyle that your daughter does not like. For now, the assumption is that the primary issue is that the mother is showing signs of not wanting the daughter in her home, in reference to being “sent away” to some distant school.
Now, in the event that the safety of your daughter is involved, obviously everything we talk about here (in terms of steps and strategies) probably doesn’t really apply. In this case, and to safeguard your own rights to advocate for your daughter, any strategy is probably secondary to getting help for your daughter. If you need affordable, sliding scale help, try these sources in Mississippi:
If your daughter has a disability, you can contact the Mississippi Protection and Advocacy group: http://www.disabilityrightsms.com/.
It’s often very hard to maintain the current arrangement, without “poisoning” the well with a new plan. Too many custody changes, though, have been ruined by involving the other parent too soon. By evaluating what’s truly best for your daughter, using your own private resources (experts or witnesses), resisting an impulse to share this steps with your daughter or her mom, usually means you make a better planned decision. Many people even go to a counseling service to work out what a change in custody means in terms of a family dynamic. Keep in mind, you will have to show that it is not your intent to diminish or destroy the mother/daughter relationship. You can see about eligibility for free legal planning advice here…
http://www.mslegalservices.org/MS/StateAboutUs.cfm/County/%20/City/%20/demoMode/%3D%201/Language/1/State/MS/TextOnly/N/ZipCode/%20/LoggedIn/0.
Every state describes “custody” a little differently. Here, it appears that you share physical custody, but that legal custody is with your ex-wife. This is because Mississippi, like some other states, divides custody into just two shapes…physical or legal. Many couples seem to have “joint” (or what you called shared) custody, but in reality one gets the important rights that go with having legal custody.
Types of custody in Mississippi: http://www.mscode.com/free/statutes/93/005/0024.htm.
Legal custody can be an advantage when it comes to where to live (such as moving out of state), picking the school, religious upbringing, or claiming the child on tax returns. At this stage, rather than opening “negotiations” with your ex-wife, you might consider what advantages she can keep, if you were to get “legal” custody. Some parents are more concerned about losing tax or welfare benefits, sadly enough, than actually having custody.
If things get out of hand, or a crisis develops, the court is just as likely to try and keep things the same and fix whatever “went wrong.” This owes in part to a belief that a long-time placement is presumed to be working…unless the health or safety of the child is being threatened.
4. Always Emphasize Your Daughter’s Best Interests
Here's the big question, and you have to answer clearly..."How will the change in custody benefit your daughter?"
One really bothersome thing here is the possibility that, after six years of sharing custody, you state that your ex-wife has for years now tried to ‘send (your daughter) away’ to a new school. It’s not uncommon for one parent to act out of pique and try to “get at” or manipulate the other parent in exactly this way. Be sure to document the years of this effort, and the effect it ahs had on your daughter. Again, emphasize that you have tried to shield your daughter from this, and not urged her to take sides. The best interests of your daughter have included extensive contact with you for six years. This idea of “best interests of the child” is, I’m sure you know, the test for where your daughter belongs for the next four years.